Ok, time to get topical. I’m sure you’ve all seen this story about why Hermione shouldn’t have married Ron and maybe you remember this one as well, where JK Rowling talks about killing off Ron. I’ll be honest Ron has never been my favorite member of the Harry Potter cast. He sulks, he’s occasionally mean (and to Luna, and we love Luna) and he’s so jealous. He has his redeeming points but I feel like Ron under-performs as a member of the golden trio. Frankly if he’d been killed off and Hermione had found someone else (Maybe not Harry unless we’re talking films which btw we never are) that would have been A Good Thing. To prove my point I here provide a comprehensive list of every useful things Ron has ever done.
The Philosopher’s Stone
Let’s see. Molly tells Harry how to get onto the platform, Fred and George help him with his trunk and Scabbers attacks Goyle. I guess Ron should get a point for being Harry’s first friend. However, minus one point for being mean to Hermione. Minus another point for dragging Harry into a wizard’s duel that almost gets them thrown out of Hogwarts and eaten. Plus one for successfully fighting a troll but minus another for letting Draco know about their plan to get rid of Norbert. Possibly we should give Ron some credit for trying to ward Harry away from the Mirror of Erised but on the other hand it’s not like Harry paid any attention. Two final points, one for being good at chess and another for self sacrifice complete Ron’s first book tally.
The Chamber of Secets
I think plus two for rescuing Harry. Let’s face it Hermione would have let him languish until at least the end of the summer. However, he seems to get an unfortunate ‘magic cars solve everything’ idea in his head which leads to them almost getting thrown out of Hogwarts (again). So minus one for that. Ron also spends a lot of this book being wrong about things, he’s wrong about Harry keeping quiet about hearing voices, Draco being the heir of Slytherin and Riddle’s diary being blank. On the other hand Ron is basically a loyal sidekick, neither particularly helpful or particularly unhelpful. And his broken wand does save them from Lockhart. So:
The Prisoner of Azkaban
Ron seems as keen on convincing Harry he’s going to die in this book as he was on convincing him he was crazy in the last book so minus one for excessive credulousness. Minus at least two for being mean to Hermione about Crookshank’s attempts to eat Scabbers, minus another for the brookstick debacle, and minus yet more for failing to help Hagrid prepare for Buckbeaks trial. I’m also going to take another point off for his anti werewolf prejudice. Useful things Ron does in this book? He saves Harry from the wrath of Snape after the floating head incident. All in all not an impressive performance from Ron.
The Goblet of Fire
I suppose it’s only fair to give Ron credit for saving Harry from yet another summer at the Dursleys’ so one point for that. I’m taking off about 5 for his disloyalty to Harry during the opening of the Triwizard cup. Harry is your best friend, stop being such a jealous prick. I’ll also take a point off for being mean to both his Yule Ball date and Hermione, more pettiness and jealously from Ron. Maybe I’m wrong but I cannot think of a single useful thing Ron does in this book. IT’S ALL BAD. So:
The Order of the Pheonix
This book is mostly Harry’s turn to be a prick. So hopefully things will look up slightly for Ron here. Minus 2 for being a dick to Luna. Minus one for being terrible at Quidditch but plus one for loyalty to Harry after Percy’s dickish letter. Again a neutral but fairly useless book for Ron. Oh minus one for being really annoying when attacked by brains.
The Half-Blood Prince
So lets just start with minus 4 for dating Lavender and hurting Hermione, minus one for Slug Club jealousy, minus another for judging Ginny for kissing a guy. I mean she’s like 15 Ron, grow up. Minus another for a cowardly failure to break up with Lavender. Basically the same old Ron faults, jealousy and immaturity unredeemed by anything useful.
The Deathly Hallows
Being part of the 7 Potters deserves a point, as does the transfigured ghoul. Minus one for splinching himself like a twat but plus one for actually caring about the Cattermoles. Then minus like 1000 for being a dick the entire time they were travelling and then leaving, plus 500 for coming back and destroying a horcrux, and another 100 for acquiring a basillisk fang with which to destroy the horcrux. Frankly brilliant. Oh, and one more for getting the house elves out. But still overall: